||[Sep. 20th, 2005|11:55 pm]
So, I don't know where I am right now, and that's the closest to reality as I can really say. I've met some awesome people, who I love to spend time with, but I'm missing the closeness of a familiar relationship. I miss being able to call on someone for a hug, or to not even have to call for it. I'm so uncomfortable with those awkward relationships that just spawn out of convenience. There's no real basis to them, and nobody really knows that much about me. Perhaps it's because I don't force them to know, but it's still hard to be surrounded by people 168 hours a week and still feel like I'm the only person who understands my thoughts and my life and my drive.
Further, while most of my loyal readers don't give a rip about religion, I do. I've gone to some interesting churches since being here and some interesting groups. I love the people, but I can't seem to find someone who can relate to where I'm coming from. Oh well. There's also the fact that every tuesday, I leave IV with this amazing spiritual high, and motivation to live the way I want to, and then come back to campus only to get stuck back in my rut of tearing people/myself down. I wish I had more willpower honestly to act as I believe, but.... que sera, sera.
Alright, this weekend, I'm headed home for the football game, that is... if I can figure out how to get there. The bus system is full of fooey and is making me rather frustrated in that it can't actually get me near to my house, so I still have to work on figuring that out before friday. Then it's off to northfield to pick up Liz and back to the homecoming game to meet up with lots of people and get my long awaited hug from jeff grubbs. (While I may like other people better, he gives the best hugs.. heh)
Ooh... boys? I guess I have my pick of about 25,000 of them here... too bad none of them seem to exist. poo for them. Heh..
Ok, back to getting ready for bed/homework. Good night my loyal listeners.