Heureuse

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 04:22:05 GMT

Umm yes. ages since I've updated, but I feel I owe it to all of you who I've been whining at about college forever. So a little bit ago, I found out I got into Carlson. Yay! I have permission to become a stuckup bitch. Hopefully not, but the potential is there. (that was a joke. laugh.) Anyways, other than that, one good year of college is done and I'm ready for an amazing summer. This means we should get together. all of us. And ya know, if this summer doesn't work out, come visit me at my more than slightly ghetto apartment next year. I'll make you dinner. Mmkay.

Interesting

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 19:43:56 GMT

the Adventurer
Test finished!
you chose AX - your Enneagram type is SEVEN.

"I am happy and open to new things"

Adventurers are energetic, lively, and optimistic. They want to contribute to the world.

How to Get Along with Me

Give me companionship, affection, and freedom.
Engage with me in stimulating conversation and laughter.
Appreciate my grand visions and listen to my stories.
Don't try to change my style. Accept me the way I am.
Be responsible for youself. I dislike clingy or needy people.
Don't tell me what to do.

What I Like About Being a Seven

being optimistic and not letting life's troubles get me down
being spontaneous and free-spirited
being outspoken and outrageous. It's part of the fun.
being generous and trying to make the world a better place
having the guts to take risks and to try exciting adventures
having such varied interests and abilities

What's Hard About Being a Seven

not having enough time to do all the things I want
not completing things I start
not being able to profit from the benefits that come from specializing; not making a commitment to a career
having a tendency to be ungrounded; getting lost in plans or fantasies
feeling confined when I'm in a one-to-one relationship

Sevens as Children Often

are action oriented and adventuresome
drum up excitement
prefer being with other children to being alone
finesse their way around adults
dream of the freedom they'll have when they grow up

Sevens as Parents

are often enthusiastic and generous
want their children to be exposed to many adventures in life
may be too busy with their own activities to be attentive

Let the good times roll.

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 18:33:40 GMT

If you guys would be so kind as to do these for me, then I'll do them for you. It's really pretty interesting to see how the world sees you and how you see yourself. Pleeeeeease. :)

http://kevan.org/johari?name=lafillefolle

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=lafillefolle

Sat, 29 Oct 2005 04:26:42 GMT

So I pretty much love how my plans change the instant I leave school. In a not-at-all sarcastic way. It's so great that nothing that happens here matters. Nobody cares, nobody is affected and nobody gets peeved if I don't have anything planned out. I'm a college student. They expect nothing more of me.

So I'm staying at home this weekend.... or at least tonight... or at least for now. I ran into Keira's mom at Target, heard Keira and Eric were at El Loro, and that I should call them up. I was seriously considering having that be my plans for the night, but alas... BRIIINNNG! Jessica and Kirsten called before I got to call Keira, and I went out to Maple Grove for some coffee. Delish. It's been about two months since I've had any of the fabbo caffienated (sp) elixir. Yum. Mint. Chocolate. Coffee. Yeah, I love those girls. We can be total dorks and still rock out. Mmhmm.

Tomorrow shall be Chase's, and I get to see his mommy, daddy, AND 2 horsies. I love that place and that kid. I can't wait. Stars anyone?

Since I never actually updated, college is good. Fabulously good. Those of you who knew me before, know of some of the issues before college. For the most part, college magically made them disappear. Yippee for happy good times.

Dude. Facebook has pictures!

Apparently, I'm one crazy nut.

Wed, 21 Sep 2005 21:37:40 GMT

You are a
Social Conservative
(38% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(21% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Totalitarian

Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating

urgh... life?

Wed, 21 Sep 2005 05:05:42 GMT

So, I don't know where I am right now, and that's the closest to reality as I can really say. I've met some awesome people, who I love to spend time with, but I'm missing the closeness of a familiar relationship. I miss being able to call on someone for a hug, or to not even have to call for it. I'm so uncomfortable with those awkward relationships that just spawn out of convenience. There's no real basis to them, and nobody really knows that much about me. Perhaps it's because I don't force them to know, but it's still hard to be surrounded by people 168 hours a week and still feel like I'm the only person who understands my thoughts and my life and my drive.

Further, while most of my loyal readers don't give a rip about religion, I do. I've gone to some interesting churches since being here and some interesting groups. I love the people, but I can't seem to find someone who can relate to where I'm coming from. Oh well. There's also the fact that every tuesday, I leave IV with this amazing spiritual high, and motivation to live the way I want to, and then come back to campus only to get stuck back in my rut of tearing people/myself down. I wish I had more willpower honestly to act as I believe, but.... que sera, sera.

Alright, this weekend, I'm headed home for the football game, that is... if I can figure out how to get there. The bus system is full of fooey and is making me rather frustrated in that it can't actually get me near to my house, so I still have to work on figuring that out before friday. Then it's off to northfield to pick up Liz and back to the homecoming game to meet up with lots of people and get my long awaited hug from jeff grubbs. (While I may like other people better, he gives the best hugs.. heh)

Ooh... boys? I guess I have my pick of about 25,000 of them here... too bad none of them seem to exist. poo for them. Heh..

Ok, back to getting ready for bed/homework. Good night my loyal listeners.

Mon, 29 Aug 2005 03:28:10 GMT

Google your name in quotes with an "is" -- ex.: "(your name) is" -- pick your favorite ten responses and post them.

"amber is on the cutting edge..."
"amber is provided as a free public service..."
"amber is lke a time capsule made and placed in the earth by nature."
"amber is oftened imitated by plastics..." (mean girls anyone?)
"amber is a happy girl, but she was sad when her parents divorced, and to top it all off, amber is going to have to move from the house she loves."
"amber is the true world and everything else, including earth."
"amber is buoyant in salt water."
"...amber is too short."
"amber is a good solid beer to have with a nice steak."
"amber is indescribably sexy, exotic in a way that belies its common
origins, if you can really consider whale excretions common."

heh heh heh.

the thing that everyone thinks is cool

Sat, 27 Aug 2005 03:15:23 GMT

The Random Question Meme!

An array of completely random questions about my friends!

Where would you take ninasoldada on a vacation?: I would take her to France and make her look at all the fabulous art works in the Louvre, and the Musée d'Orsay, and the Centre Pompidou... to show her where her fabulousness might take her one day.
Will filmymilk ever amount to anything?: Absolutely. I think she is one of the most level-headed people I know... at least of those who manage to remain entertaining. There's no way she won't amount to anything.
Can drunkenlullaby9 do a headstand?: I don't know, but I'd assume not, seeing as how I've never seen it. If you could do a headstand, wouldn't you do it ALL the time?
How did you meet etoilecache?: Math class in like... 7th grade or something. We were both awkard early teenagers...
What will baseball4113 be like in twenty years?: Hmm... he'll be king of the gaming world, traveling for free, and still complaining about marching band. heh heh.
Whom is dukephysics attracted to?: I have no idea, but I'm thinking... some fabulously cool girl, who manages to be unconventionally cute and funny and.... I really have no idea. She'd be cool.

This is by heptadecagram. You can find your own completely random questions here.

Do you feel enlightened now?

You should comment and let me know if and what number you think you are.

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 00:34:03 GMT

Write 21 statements to 21 people, but don't say who they are. (stolen from Kate).

1. I really wish I were closer to you, because you have the characteristics of the sister I never got to have. You are so incredibly talented, and I wish you could acknowledge that for yourself, because you give so much that you deserve to get something back, even if it's only a little bit of self-recognition.

2. The things you say scare me sometimes and I don't understand why you're in the position you are in. I wish you would take the initiative to better yourself, rather than letting it get worse as you sit idly by. I love you dearly, but just wish you could find a way to love yourself.

3. You are the sweetest, most genuine person I have ever met. You are there if anyone ever needs you, and you can always bring a smile to anyone's face. I love that you are blonder than I am, and that you don't care a bit. I hope that we don't lose touch over the next year and I wish you the best with him.

4. I'm incredibly thankful that we got over that tiff of last year and I love your personality more than ever. You have made it through so much and I admire how you've turned out because of it. I only wish that someday, we can become even better friends.

5. I'm scared to death for you for next year. I know it's what you want, and I know that we've never been that close, but it tears me apart to think of what may happen in the next few months. I've known you most of my life and I love your passion that you have for everything you do.

6. I've hated you more than anybody else in my entire life. I wish you didn't consider me a burden to be around, and I wish that you considered me more than a waste of oxygen. I wish this because as much as I hate you, I want to love you. Not only have you made me hate you, but you've made me hate myself, and that is the hardest thing in the world to overcome.

7. Through all the good times and the bad, I miss you like no other. While you brought me down on occasion, you taught me just about everything I know and molded my personality more than I will ever know. You were a great influence on me, even if I couldn't see it at the time. I hope you are happy wherever you are, because it's been quite some time since I've talked to you. I hope you can still forgive me for that.

8. I love you, I think I've realized, more than you'll ever be capable of loving me. I put all of my fears aside to be there for you, and you put the same effort in for me.. for a while. I hope your newest shiny object treats you well, because as much as I'd like to, I won't always be there. It's getting too hard. I hope you find that something that you've been searching for, for so long. I really wish you'd take a step back and realize the path you're taking alone.

9. You have always been a sweetheart and I feel bad for not being able to put in as much effort as you. I know you will go so far in your life, due to all those talents that I admire so much. As hard as it seems right now, I hope you stick with it, for her sake and yours.

10. Some of the things you've done in the past have cut me deep, but I realize now that you couldn't help it. You didn't know better. I'm so proud of you for finally taking the initiative to figure it all out, and take some time for yourself. I pray that you get through all this, and come out stronger than ever, but know that you can always call on me if you need someone to listen.

11. More than anybody, you've been there for me, and I apologize for my lack of devotion to you. I've hated you and loved you with such strength, that I've wondered how you could instill such strong emotions in me. I want to thank you for everything you've ever given me and done for me, but at the same time, I want to know why you stick around. I'm not worthy of your companionship. I'm greatful, but I don't deserve it.

12. I love you and hate you at the same time. I hate your lying, lazy ways and I wish you would change them. I hate how incredibly perverted you are, but do nothing to stop you, so as not to make a scene. I hate how you are so alone, and yet want and deserve someone so badly. I love your dedication to helping people and your love for everyone you meet. I love your amusement at the simplest things. I wish you the best in your future, and I'll be there to help you along.

13. I love you. I just wish you cared the slightest bit about me. I've known you my entire life, and you've never acknowledged me as worthy of your attention. You have become such a great person over the years, and you've left me behind with your childhood toys. While you are a good person, I wish you lived a more normal life. You make everything so hard on yourself, and you never did take the time you needed to get over that day. I hope you are able to deal with all of this soon and move on to a better adulthood.

14. I don't understand you. I loved you more than any of my friends at the time. I sacrificed friendships for you, because you had none other than me. One day, something changed, and you were no longer interested in a friend who had been there through the tough times. Sometimes, I still look back and wonder what changed in you; what threw your morals in such the other direction. As much as you've hurt me in the past, I wish you the best in your future, and am so happy that you've found somebody who fits you so well.

15. You need to just let the world know. Let the world know how strong you are, and that things as big as that can't even hold you back. You are strong enough and the whole world can see it, except for you. Let it all go. I love how you've been there for me, and how you let me be there for you too. I hope you manage to make some good decisions over the next years and are able to avoid the temptations that have been plaguing you so far.

16. You are the most wholesome person that I know. You watch out for everybody, and genuinely strive to be a good person. I wish you the best with her, because you two deserve each other. I can't wait to spend my time with you, and I'm dreading spending an entire year away from you, your wonderful influence, and your incredible sense of humor.

17. As much as everyone has trash-talked you and pidgen-holed you, I think you are an amazing person. You have so much to offer, if people would just shut up and listen to what you have to say. I miss you so much and am always worried about you and what may happen next. I hope you get what you want, because very few people deserve it as much as you do.

18. You are hilarious and never fail to bring a smile to my face. You are silly, even without being drunk. You are outgoing and free-spirited. I think you should have so much in your life. While you act like everything is going well, I still see the glimmer of grey in your eyes. I know there is a hint of the old you, hiding behind all of the wonderful new layers. I wish you the best and hope that we don't lose touch, because you are one of few people who can make me feel at ease even if I haven't seen you in 6 months.

19. You are so full of yourself, it makes me want to kick a hole in your knee. Yes, you are talented, and yes, you have the accepted good morals. However, you are one of the most fake, deceitful people I have ever met. Not only do you put up a facade with us, but you can't even be honest with yourself. I hope you manage to embrace the truth that you've been hiding, and learn to love your reality. You could be an awesome person, if you ever let anybody get to know you.

20. I am so proud of you and your liberation. You have always been there over the years, from the creepy math teacher to more serious family issues or those dreaded crushes. You are one person who has always had an open ear, and I'm glad that you've taken advantage of mine as well. What do you know, we finally have one more thing in common and I can't wait to tell you all about it. You are an amazing girl and I hope that they are all able to see that too.

21. I don't know how we managed to get so close in such a short time. You are one of the most compatable people that I've ever met. I don't know how the connection felt so strong for those days, and yet is seeming to fade already. I can't wait until the next time I get to see you and I hope that our friendship only manages to grow and get stronger. I wish you the best with your current situation and that you know his opinion doesn't determine who you are. Au revoir.

That gave me such a great feeling as I was able to go through and say exactly what I felt. Wahoo. You should all do it too.

Thought I'd join the crowd

Sat, 28 May 2005 16:18:32 GMT

You Are The Key Character
"It's what I was meant to do."
You are the true enigma. No one knows much about you, you do not understand much of yourself, and your life seems to carry no purpose. Yet regardless of everything around you - everyone knows that you are here for some reason, even if no one yet knows what that is. Things seem to simply fall into place for you. Almost as though some force is working either through you, for you, or around you. No matter your troubles, ou have been sent here to unlock something. This is your destiny.

Which Classic Story Role Do You Play?
brought to you by Quizilla

Mon, 09 May 2005 02:10:42 GMT

So... Fabulous, Hectic, Insane.

Starting in the morning, I went to target at 8 to get some last minute essentials. Then it was home to shower and get ready and such. I then began to panic because I couldn't get ahold of anyone, but finally Katie answered and I went over there to have my hair done, which I loved. Katie rocks my socks. Umm.. in any case, it was then back home to finish getting everything together for prom and the after party and Kirsten finally called. She was bringing the shawl TO my house instead of me picking it up. I hitailed it over to Ruth's at around 2:30 and we got ready. Thanks to ruth and jenna for helping the incapable with the face changing wonderfulness. Umm... Their dates were supposed to be there at 4. At 10 to 4, we all realized that hey... none of us have makeup done or dresses on... fabulous. Changed quickly, ruth fixed my hair, liz gave me a present. Fab. Then on to the awkward photo taking where all the adults look at me in pity because I wasn't with date. Ehh... it was nice of the girls to have invited me in the first place. All guys show up... much flashing ensued. We then retired to the living room to play taboo or something. Whatever it was, I suck at the buzzer and that apparently just annoyed someone beyond belief.

Then, alas, it was off to prom which I actually liked the location of. We found a table in the back. The food was good. I may have had a part in contributing to awkwardness. However, if you expect to be able to snap at me and get away with it. Think again. If you think I'm going to be appreciative of a mushy apology 5 minutes later after I just finished wiping pissedoff/sad/frustrated/uncomfortable/pity/breakdown tears off my face in the bathroom. You better get yourself a helmet and duck. I don't yell in seriousness... well... ever, because it's never necessary. I may of uhh.... yes. the end.

Anywho.. I decided that I would put it all behind me, get up from the table and dance like nobody's watching. That's exactly what I did. I think I sat out for maybe 2 songs all night and... looked like a fool while I did dance, but it was fun. Fun like a fox. Everybody was so gorgeous. I was like yowza. Some people you would never expect to rock the glam look were really pretty. Other notes about the dance night... Ice water is delicious. A certain someone's eyes were slightly uncomfortable. Straight men suck for not wanting to dance with me... but at least the nice girls would have some fun. Umm... I think that's it for prom other than it was the blastiest and everyone looked super good.

Afterparty... I think the best part was sitting on the edge of the hot tub alone after everyone else fled from the rain. It was soo peaceful with all the cool droplets falling on my face though. Reflectins ahoy.

Then it was home and to sleep for like -23947 hours. Wake up. DO a bunch of stuff like a crazy and end up here. fab-uh-lous.

your thought on this?

Thu, 05 May 2005 20:01:30 GMT

Your #1 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.
You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.
Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.
You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller!

You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

Your #2 Match: ESFP

The Performer

You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others.
A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic.
You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally.
You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic.

You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor.

Your #3 Match: INFP

The Idealist

You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.

You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

Your #4 Match: ISFP

The Artist

You are a gifted artist or musician (though your talents may be dormant right now).
You enjoy spending your free time in nature, and you are good with animals and children.
Simply put, you enjoy bueaty in all its forms and live for the simple pleasures in life.
Gentle, sensitive, and compassionate - you are good at recognizing people's unspoken needs.

You would make a good veterinarian, pediatrician, or composer.

Your #5 Match: ENFJ

The Giver

You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed.
Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.
Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down.
You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine.

You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

What's Your Personality Type?

The erm... first part of the trip... backwards

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 21:24:31 GMT

This gumball machine at UMD was the shiz. I was instantly in love... and just had to express it.

This picture was really cool. We went out by the lake on thursday night and took some pictures and the reflecting lights were crazy awesome.

Shoo... alyssa tried to steal my lime-light... on the rocks by Lake Superior.

This is kindof a crappy version of what the set looked like at the musical we went and saw after dinner thursday night.

The guys at my dinner table at Old Chicago.

Genius.

First things first. We went to dinner at old chicago right when we got to Duluth

I'm gangsta' yo.

That was cute. They falled asleep.

So... people were a little slow getting on the bus.

It's the rockin' awesome ceiling of our coach bus that would drive us to Duluth and back. Trip was awesome.

Tour perhaps... in reverse.

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 21:17:23 GMT

So... this was the part of our group that stayed the whole time doing the everlasting "X!"

Relatively normal group picture.

Precious, right? This was at our dinner on friday night at Little Angie's. Liz and I got nada-ritas. yum.

heh.... Little Angie's.

In our freetime and walking around, we found this scrawled on a liquor store.

The boys were studying their newspaper to kill time before dinner.

The last part of our sculpture series. Found this one outside of caribou.

slippery propeller.

Is that rain i feel? If it is... i best get to singin...

Matt erm.... climbed an anchor.

Phillip's standing on the same thing that was in the last statue we took a pic with.

I had to out-do matt.

pshh... what a poser.

Nate's riding a horsey.

So I found this girl outside of our hotel right at the beginning of our free time on friday night, and so begins the sculpture series.

First things first.... picture by lake Superior.

We dressed Liz in a sarri at the children's museum, wrap, crinkle, wrap and throw.

Emily and I found this awesome puppet show house.

After our performance with the not very good UMD band, we went to the museum and of course went to the kid's area. Emily and I were having a fishing competition.

Sat, 02 Apr 2005 05:47:49 GMT

So yeah.. if anyone is following the whole like "see amber's journal for info." thing, or cares or whatever, you should be able to get to it by goign to the address at the bottom of this entry. yep. have fun. http://www.greatestjournal.com/users/inoubliable/

For Eric

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 03:50:32 GMT

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 02:56:20 GMT

So yeah.. you guys can look if you want, but there are alot of pictures and I apologize for the assorted ... large sizes and such. blah.

So I got to katie's house and... she had just gotten out of the shower, so I made us even later by taking pictures. Then it was off to pick up Liz to begin our journey which I like to title Operation: Not San Diego. First stop: The Vu; to see if Peaches is loitering outside. Shockingly, she was not present. I wonder if she's one of the uglies? Then it was a good 20 minutes of happy lost-ness driving around and taking shoddy pictures of the skyline. We of course had to stop at the sculpture garden once we finally figured out where we had ended up. There's the cherry on the spoon which I particularly like in sketch mode. Liz is getting eaten by the back-hoe. There's that... domey thing.... and then katie and I having fun in the wall. Last was the picture in picture sculpture. Quite nice. Then we went into or down to or up to.. whatever. We went to Uptown for lunch because there was a nice chorus of growling. We got a parking meter and put quarters in for an hour and a half. That's right.... a whole buck-fiddy. As we're doing this, some creepy man walks up to my car, walks back to his and speeds away. creeeeeepy. Erm, we walked to panera where another creepy man pointed out how young liz was and was just all around strange. Mm... good food. BUT, ceasar sald gives you bad breath so we were off in search of some minty good refreshments when what to my wondering eyes had appeared? But of course, it was a green glowing orb of coffee chain goodness. Off to starbucks we went. There was the display and... what is that? SCORE! "Vanilla" gum on the top shelf. wootage. Then... there may have been a craving for gellatto. Mmm... we walked. We went in. We sampled some mango. It was crazy good stuff. But what is that? "Brown gellatto", you say? "What flavor?" I ask. BALSAMIC FIG?! It's a must try... and a must vomit. eww. Don't try it. NASHTY. Alas... our day of fun was over with the last lickin of a gellatto scoop. I would say it was just grand. Back to the car which had only 3 minutes left on the meter. Who's good? We are. That's right.

hehe.... i love the randomosity.

Sat, 12 Mar 2005 15:16:50 GMT

My LiveJournal Sitcom
Living With heureuse's boss (NBC, 10:30): heureuse (Sarah Bernhardt) accidentally scratches filmymilk (Rachael Leigh Cook)'s favorite hand cream. The week after, etoilecache (Goldie Hawn) tries to seduce 6:baseball4113 (Phil Hartman) at a forest. Later that day, ninasoldada (Mariel Hemingway) and lugia222 (Brooke Shields) don't believe in quantum mechanics. Parental discretion advised.
What's Your LiveJournal Sitcom? (by rfreebern)

weekend in a nutshell

Mon, 28 Feb 2005 02:41:17 GMT

greatestjournal: inoubliable

Fri, 18 Feb 2005 04:56:13 GMT

Soo... I'm going to france.

...

!!!!! HOLY FREAKIN' COW! Does anybody have any idea how long I've wanted to do this... and I thought it was never going to be possible. And then... out of nowhere, Madame drops this surprise on me. It's the nicest thing anybody in the world has ever done for me. I have no clue who it is either, no chance to thank them. The thing is... I want to thank them for more than just the monetary gift ya know? Yes it sounds whiny and mopey, but nobody has ever done anything to get through to me that they care or that I matter, and whoever this is... wants me to be able to go, probably because they knew how much i wanted it, and how I couldn't have it and... I don't even know...but who does. I feel like I'm in a movie. This doesn't happen in real life. I just don't even know, and it's all I've been able to think about since I found out: How excited I am and... just who would do such a thing. I never thought there were people that generous out there. And... jeff's daddy cried. I can't even believe it. I just love people right now.

[/rambling.]

Fri, 11 Feb 2005 04:41:37 GMT

So... 4 years is a long time, and yet... here I am. It's amazing how much can change in 4 years. *thinking* "oh the places you'll go..."

She always wanted to see a performance and she was there. I knew it. It was the only thing that made the day bearable. I would have been... terribly swamped by the memories, but there was just her presence and I don't know. It was such a relief.

More relief coming... even though I couldn't yeah with the people who usually cheer me up. Mike somehow knew that I needed a real hug from someone and idk. I'm just really grateful that he was there to help me out. Yes, people hate him, but he's a good kid so whatev.

Tonight was awesome when it could have been terrible and I'm exceptionally relieved, but now I'm home alone wtih my thoughts so who knows where this path will take me. Good night to all my dearest pals.

Aujourd'hui, c'est un jour de soulagement.

Only for the Bored

Tue, 01 Feb 2005 03:48:00 GMT

Ok so hey guys. Whiny, bitchy, ungrateful amber is here for a visit because I need to vent or talk to or bounce ideas off of something and there's nobody to listen. That's depressing in itself but whatever.

So my life is pretty darn perfect in comparison. I should have nothing to complain about especially when everybody else's lives are "fucked up" or something like that to partially quote Katie. And yet, I hated today with a flaming passion. Once again, no reason to hate today.

It went well and somehow, blame it on a chemical imbalance or PMS or ADD or any other excuse that people use, I was just incredibly sad. The worst part is, I'm incredibly analytical and the more I think about it, the worse I get. And then ... I'm an awfully manipulative person and yes, stupidly, I have in the past been "quiet/sad" when i was feeling excluded and such hoping someone would notice. So today of course I was questioning whether or not I was subconsciously doing that, and assuming that I was... even though I wasn't because I realized that I was upset and sad before I even was quiet and.. meh. You may get what I was rambling about, and you may not, but whatever. I think I was just made even more.. complacent when nobody cared whatsoever. People just don't notice. They think I'm flat, one emotioned, no possibility of not being the person to cheer them up. So.. a couple of the actors were having bad days, I gave them their hugs. Somebody in pit did the whole accusatory "you don't love me" thing, so of course I reassured them that I do in fact love them. Hmm... yes so this continued and I was just sitting there wondering... what would happen if I weren't here? They'd find someone else to hug or make a heart and... they wouldn't really miss anything ya know.

People are so... superficial that they only realize something is gone when it takes away significance from their lives. Like.. someone can't give you a hug.. ok. Give it 2 months and you'll have found someone to fill that position. But, if you were there for someone else, it gave your life meaning, and when that's gone, you'll actually realize that something is missing. I give people hugs, easily replacable. Nobody really finds meaning through me. No real loss.

Oh... another realization of today. Joe is more of an asshole than I thought before. I've tried so hard to give him more credit than everyone else, and yet, there isnt much due. Granted, I don't hate him. I just think... he's not deserving of the affection people give to him because.... he's just simply cruel alot of times.

Hmm.. I think alot of this is just little gripes all built up over time because there's nobody that i really feel comfortable or close enough to talk to about anything right now. Everybody is so distant leaving me feeling... alone. I mean, of course I'm hear to listen to people's issues and do my best at giving advice, but I just don't feel like they would be able to take the burden of my annoyances as of lately. I ramble alot.

Oy. On a slightly happier note, my schedule is the easiest of all time. I've got Symphonic Band, History, Acting,Bio, French, Varsity Band and Open... of course with Methods independent study but meh. That's pie.

Whatever. Sorry, but not really, for the garbled mess of complaints. Read them at your own will. I just needed an avid listener and right now, my only volunteer was a blank computer screen. G'night in hopes that tomorrow will be brighter.

Tue, 25 Jan 2005 02:03:34 GMT

You scored as Romeo Capulet. "Honey, if you indulge me tonight, and let me watch the political debate, we'll attend the ballet next week." Sound familiar? Your date would show up in a clean white shirt and a respectful smile of admiration. Red roses and Beethoven, anyone?

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Romeo Capulet

100%

Bohemian Rhapsody

70%

Build-A-Boy

60%

Superman

50%

Kinkster

30%

HARDCORE

30%

Which Guy Makes YOU Drool?
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blehehehe... soo true because, the artist type is a relatively close second and if you squish those two guys together.... ohmymy.

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 05:07:03 GMT

you are lightcyan
#E0FFFF

Your dominant hues are green and blue. You're smart and you know it, and want to use your power to help people and relate to others. Even though you tend to battle with yourself, you solve other people's conflicts well.

Your saturation level is very low - you have better things to do than jump headfirst into every little project. You make sure your actions are going to really accomplish something before you start because you hate wasting energy making everyone else think you're working.

Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

I think that suits me pretty well. What's your opinion? Too bad I can't remember to tone it down ever. I just end up pissing people off. Meh, maybe when I gorw up.

Hmm, so I've been bitchy lately, and I apologize to everyone who has felt the wrath, but I've begun to get sick of everybody's bullshit and fakeness when it comes to dealing with people. Certain people are just so incredibly transparent in their actions and then ahve to go and be bitchy to me? I may be a generally cheery person, but I'll only take that for so long before I snap and realize that you're not worth my time. So yeah, that's one of my rants. Here comes another.

I hate most of the freshmen in pit. Or rather... I hate luke striech's little brother. He's a jackass. Yes I suck at the saxophone. Yes, I don't have much confidence, but he doesn't need to point out every single one of my flaws and insult me. He may be part of luke's family, but that doesn't give him the RIGHT to act like a jackass, even if the expectation is there. However, I absolutely LOVE philip and patrick. They are the most corkin awesome freshmen I've ever met. Good times.

Oooh... another side note. Mike Burns isn't as much of an asshole as I previously thought. I had this crazy awesome conversation with him in psychology today because we were watching some stupid video about LSD. We were talking about crazy cool things like views on religion and drug use and smoking and childhoods and yeah. It was cool to realize that he's not always a jackass.

Hmm... what else? Oh yes. I'm stressed like a crazy. My next week is somewhat as follows.

Saturday: work 8-5 or 5:30. Pep band at 6:30. Dinner or ice cream w/liz afterwards.
Sunday: Play music at church from 7:30-11:30. Youth Ministry meeting at 11:30. Work from 12-4:30. Ice skating at 4.
Monday: School, NO PIT!
Tuesday: Jazz band, school, pit until 6:30. work from 7-9:30.
Wednesday: school, pit until 6:30, mosaic meeting at 5:30, help out with confirmation at 7:30.
Thursday: School, pit until 6:30, bells practice at 7:30, work 7-9:30.
Friday: Pit? Supervise Jr. High lock-in. 9pm-3am.
Saturday: Work 8-5. Chili Dinner: set-up and work from 1-8.

I like how some of that is impossible. We shall see what happens.

Hmm and since everyone else is doing it, I'll make a list of what needs to be accomplishied before the end of the semester (next thursday).

[ ]band journal
[ ]band eval.
[ ]study for history final
[ ]the last 4-6 math tests or so.
[ ]math review packet
[ ]math project. rough draft and final (?)
[ ]study for math final on monday
[ ]find pH lab
[ ]color/chlorophyll lab
[ ]potato lab
[ ]planning A (cellular respiration)
[ ]Pea lab
[ ]the last 4 study guides for bio
[ ]Tout le monde ment
[ ]Study for French final (2 essays and movie questions)
[ ]Make 4 visual aids for psych
[ ]Create a "controversial" presentation and outline.
[ ]Put together the last 2 sections for psych.
[ ]Write a page of notes from the family packet.
[ ]compile the english notes and study for the test.

Yes that is correct. I am going to die. I suppose I should find some time in there to apply to college, go grocery shopping and clean up the house so as not to get shunned, but i don't foresee that happening. Meh.

hmm.... kinda interesting

Mon, 17 Jan 2005 17:19:48 GMT

You scored as Loner.

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Loner

75%

Drama nerd

56%

Ghetto gangsta

50%

Punk/Rebel

44%

Goth

31%

Prep/Jock/Cheerleader

31%

Geek

25%

Stoner

25%

What's Your High School Stereotype?
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